Pain

Im still in a lot of discomfort, I know the doctor told me that it would be January before I really feel good again but I am tired, I am so damn tired of feeling bad and in pain. I find myself rumaging through cabinets in my aray of 40 bottls of medication looking to see what else I can take or combine to relieve pain. I found an old bottle of Hydromorphone that I am mixing with other stuff that has given me some relief. I have made the decision that this is it ! Ive been beat up badly in a short amout of time and I will not under go any more proceedures, treatments, Chemo, Radiation , surgery or anyother frigging thing they have. Im throwing up the white flag. If everything they have done so far doesnt work then I am at Gods will...just keep me pain free until im done.